Problems With Sarcasm

I can't tell you how often this exact thing has happened to me. I am a very sarcastic person. My mother taught me the joys of sarcasm at a young age and I seldom go a day without using it in one form or another. I am in full belief that we need some sort of punctuation that denotes sarcasm. I just love when I'm being sarcastic and the recipient of my text or message has no clue that I'm being sarcastic. It's a complete and utter joy to deal with explaining myself.

Life Update

So my life has been kind of crazy the past week and a half. After my last post I got a call to get my back surgery process started. When I was about 15 years old I got into a rollover car accident and it caused some permanent damage. I'm just now getting it fixed. I know I'm a bad girl... Anyway... I had my first testing session on Thursday the 16th. I don't remember much of it to be honest. I remember being rolled into the room on a bed and having my back numbed. Other than that I remember one particularly painful poke when they hit a nerve. The next thing I knew I was in recovery and being allowed to leave.

The day after, though I was still in pain, I had my physical for the county job that I applied for about a month ago. It took nearly 3 hours to get a 5 minute physical done. By the time I was done with it my back hurt so bad... At least it was done.

Today I got three separate calls. The first one was from HR offering me an extra help job with the county. The second was setting up my pre-employment meeting to get my paperwork filled out. And the third was from my new supervisor! I'm so excited! This is a huge opportunity for me. I can't wait to start and prove myself.

Thank you to everyone for putting up with my lack of creativity and posting while I'm going through these transitions. Thank you all for reading my posts. You are all awesome. Let me know what you guys would want to read.

Darlene Jordan Declaration of Independence

I, Darlene Anne Marie Jordan, on this April 11, 2015, being the 6th anniversary of the worst mistake of my life declare myself free. 

I will no longer let the memories of his abuse control my life. I will take the lessons that I learned and apply them to my future relationships and in deciding on my future husband if I should choose to take one. If I choose not to take one that will be my decision as well. It will not be because of fear of being hurt or cheated on. 

With God's continued help and that of my friends and family I will heal daily and make strides to improve my life. I will seek advise from those I trust and love to make wise decisions that will govern the rest of my life. I will lean on them for support and encouragement when I need it. I will accept help.

I will be brave.

What's In My Purse?

I've seen these kinds of posts on YouTube and thought it would kind of be fun to adapt it to my blog because people are always surprised to see exactly how much I fit in my purse and how organized I keep it.

So the above is my purse. I've had it for a few years and it's very sturdy and reliable. 

On the handle I keep hand sanitizer because I'm a slight germaphobe in the cold and flu season. I also use it when bathrooms are just unsanitary. 

Here's the front pouch of my purse.

Inside is the charging cord for my iPhone 4, a tin of Altoids Minis in Wintermint, Bistex medicated chapstick, and Air Heads White Mystery chap stick

Zipper #1

I have a Caboodles pouch that has Beauty, hygene, and a couple other things

Propel Zero Fitness Water Mixes in Strawberry Kiwi, a compact brush/mirror, my checkbook and a spare sanitizer 

Wet Ones in original scent, Hot Hands hand warmers (I can't stand being cold), ear plugs, and a tin with misc. objects.

Inside the tin was 2 hair ties, hair pins, safety pins, 2 glasses repair kits, lighter (I keep it for bbqs or camping), Sea Bands (for migraine icky tummy), spare earring backs, a sample size of Wanderstruck by Taylor Swift, two Dum Dum pops 

Zipper #2

Here we have my mini Johnson and Johnson first aid kit a CPR micro shield, an inhaler and medicine pouch

In the first aid kit there are band-aids, alcohol wipes, 2 gauze pads, an eye glass cleaner, hand cleaner wipes and feminine wipes

In the medicine pouch is a white container of ibuprofen, a pill case with anti-diarrhea medicine and aspirin, a tube of glucose tabs, allergy tabs, migraine medicine and sinus medicine

2 Kleenex packets (for  allergies or sniffles), a lollipop, and 5 gum in Ascent

My pocket knife (assisted opening with glass breaker and seat belt cutter), flashlight, multi tool, keys (with guard dog pepper spray, compass and thermometer)

Zipper #3

My wallet, a beauty tube, face powder, note pad, and headphones

Contents of the beauty tube are tweezers, a nail file and clippers

Contents of my wallet are typical, pictures of family, driver's license, bank card, store cards, and several eye glass cleaners 

Lastly is my Country Chic Perfume from Bath and Body Works, Ralph Lauren's Midnight Romance, lotion, 2 pens and a pin from St Patrick's Day. 

April 2015 Mental Health Monday (Negative Thinking)

Negative thinking is something that comes from a variety of mental health issues. Stress, depression, bipolar, low self esteem, ect. all contribute to negative thinking. At one point or another we all think or say "I can't do it!" That in and of itself is negative thinking. It is a symptom that can destroy you, what you've worked for and anything you will ever work for. The best way to resolve that is to force yourself to revise the way you think.

Step 1- Believe Positity and Happiness ARE Choices
Being happy and positive are within your reach. You just have to choose to be both. It took me a long time and a lot of my mom drilling it into my head for me to believe it but I believe it now. It's just a choice you have to make. You can be miserable and negative or you can be happy and positive.

Step 2- Find Things to Be Happy About
After my divorce I had several things to be mad about. My ex husband cheated on me, He abused me. He took me farther away from the God that I'd always loved. I felt like an utter failure, unlovable, and unwanted. Slowly I found things to be happy about. I had friends who love me. I had family, food, a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, and more comforts than most people. I also had a job. Every day I found something new to  be grateful for and my mood improved. With my mood improving my thoughts got more and more positive.

Step 3- Combat Those Negative Thoughts
This part may take some time. Whenever you feel  yourself getting down about a situation or hating about yourself think positive. Think of ways you can improve the situation or correct your previous statement even if you don't feel it. Soon you will start feeling it. The Bible says if Proverbs 23:7 "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he". This is definitely true. If you think positively about yourself you will be happier. If you find ways to improve your situation you won't be as stressed about them.

Step 4- Spread the Positive
Share the positive with everyone. Share things that are good. Be genuinely happy for others who have good happen to them.

Step 5- Celebrate Victories
That's right! Celebrate your victories! Be proud. Do something good for yourself. Brag a little... You deserve it as much as anyone else.

I hope you can take these tips and incorporate them into your daily life and become a happy, positive person that you want to be.



How To Rewire Your Brain For Positivity And Happiness
How to Train Your Brain to Think Positive

Post 40!

40 Random Things About Me

In honor of my 40th post I will be posting 40 random facts about myself.

1. I grew up an hour and a half from the closest Walmart
2. My kitten has a middle name
3. I love the Denver Broncos ORANGE CRUSH
4. When I was a little girl my doctor mistook my allergies for a brain tumor
5. I love horror movies
6. I've thoroughly enjoyed being outside my whole life despite my allergy migraines
7. I was in a rollover accident my freshman year of high school
8. My dad's dog is more protective of me than he is of him ;P
9. Peppermint bark is my favorite treat.
10. I am learning to make candy.
11. I can have my toes painted for a long time but I can only leave my nails painted for about 2 or 3 days max.
12. I have a congenital heart defect called Wolff-Parkenson-White Syndrome
13. When I was young I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and PTSD
14. I am afraid of riding a bike
15. I adore candles
16. I love thunderstorms and rain
17. I sometimes write poetry
18. My autobiography is in the works
19. If I could I'd only drink Jamba Juice smoothies the rest of my life
20. I have two middle names
21. I was only given one
22. My favorite fruit is strawberries
23. I give people I like odd nicknames
24. I like staying up late and sleeping in late
25. I can only wake up early if I have a reason to
26. I can't stand dirty glasses
27. Snakes freak me out
28. I prefer mints over gum
29. I have cut down my sugar and soda intake
30. I like working on cars
31. Astronomy has always interested me. (The study of space not horoscopes. That would be astrology.)
32. My favorite colors are lavender, granny smith apple green, and neon orange
33. Spring is my favorite season despite the allergy monsters
34. Christmas is my favorite holiday
35. I consider myself an odd person
36. I sleep with the TV on
37. I did community service weekly for 13 years
38. Silent Night was my lullaby as a kid. I still get sleepy when I hear it
39. When I was a little girl I burned a hole in the kitchen floor making mac and cheese
40. I can't have wind blowing directly in my face.